I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
