woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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