i think my mom watched the whole time
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
