wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
