just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
she looked like the before picture.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Randomize
