He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
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