the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
