so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
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Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
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Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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