their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
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