wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
