Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
