I heard we made out
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize