I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
