Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
