when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
