Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
i just had sex bonerless
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Randomize
