this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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