fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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