So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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