the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
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