i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
