My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
