every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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