it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Randomize
