Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
