Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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