Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
