i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
