he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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