some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
