I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
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