At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
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