Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
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