god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
