Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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