Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
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