People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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