I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
