she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
