Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
