where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
