i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
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