You're completely useless in the revolution.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
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the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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