At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
