I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
