Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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