Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
