Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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