The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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