I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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