I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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