oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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