Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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