Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
