My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Randomize
