Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
