I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
