White coat. Heels.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
