so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
