What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
