I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
