this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
My apartment stinks of burning failure
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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