Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I haven't been this sober since birth.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
