Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
