If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
