How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
