I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
