Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
