I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
