if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I understand Curling. That high.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
