I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
