How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
