Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
