There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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