how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Randomize
