Nicole vs. Life
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
