summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
