Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
