just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
as a side note pls kill me
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
i out mim tonsoeep
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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