Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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