dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
