Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
