Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
