Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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