im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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