you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
