Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Randomize
