Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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